If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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