Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
