Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
