he was CRYING into my vagina
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
