Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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