As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
