Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
