We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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