also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
