five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
