Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
