my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
