He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Terrible idea I love it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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