We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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