i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
