I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
