It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
