I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We left the knife in your bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
