She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
