How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
