great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
