i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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