i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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