I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
