evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
