one two three fourrrrnication!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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