I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
