So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
