Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
