so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So much rum. So many feels.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
