she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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