I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
