I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
