Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
