please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i came on her dog
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
