Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
