Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
