Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
