We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In other news, I just burned my penis
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
