I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
