sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
