I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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