John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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