No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need water and some morals
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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