I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
