look no pants
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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