I wanna passion pit in your ass
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
