I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I FOUND THE LEGS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
