Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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