but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
