New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
