They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
