who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
