if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
